Manage emotions through reason.
I have noticed that my emotional reactions are my first responses to any event. When I analyse it, I see that emotional reactions are the default way people function. Emotions and instincts developed as we evolved from simple to complex life forms. In the course of our evolutionary history, we developed the ability to reason. This ability is rather new and is most required and used when the old emotional capabilities cannot meet the challenges . Emotions and instincts were sufficient for survival most of the time. Emotional brain mode grew to be the master of our mind most of the time, it's first responder. We never developed the ability to intercept events with reason, unless emotionality or instincts failed. With such realization, awareness of the way our minds work become a little more accessible. With awareness, the possibility of playing the potential difference a logical action makes as opposed to an emotional one can be done at leisure.
So, pause to analyze potential behaviors in terms of cost and benefit. This lets you pick the most beneficial behavior. This becomes a way of thought control that can be learnt even for people born with rough temperaments. Man has gone through a few major developments in education - arts, sciences, training to be doctor etc.. I think it will be very fruitful to get educated in the way our minds work and how to train them to be free of our animal like brain. Especially true when there are irrational brains committing the the most cruel acts all to satisfy their reward centers in irrational parts of their brains. We have the knowledge and technology to do this.
I have tried the strategy of pausing, analyzing the cost and benefits of various behaviors before picking one in some situations recently. The results have been surprising. It is has helped me lower anger, tension, anxiety and such. When debating something a great insight is to give up the goal of winning the argument. Give your opponent credit and look to draw out the best of his/her thoughts.
Winning and Losing:
ReplyDeleteOur natural tendency is to want to win at everything we do. I reckon this is a tendency that was selected for survival. This trait is required for survival. But when survival is not at stake, this tendency may not produce the best result. Eg. when people with opposing political views argue, typically they strategize to win the argument. I was in an argument about faith vs reason. Mid course I changed my strategy from trying to win the argument to trying to get to the very essence of the other person's argument. That led me to communicate more openly and ask the most incisive questions. My questions were about his ideas that were not apparent to me. This change of strategy revealed to me several benefits of wanting to win versus wanting to understand the other fully. Ultimately, the differences were not settled. But it left me with the satisfaction of having made my best effort at understanding the other persons views. Hopefully, it left the other person with the impression of my having made honest efforts. I think I came out not looking mean but open minded. I got this from comments from other people who were observing the debate.
Recent changes in thinking:
ReplyDeleteTheorizing instinctive thoughts in terms of their value in the evolutionary context has had a profound effect. I used to take concepts such as universal love, thought control and other higher concepts as impractical values adding nothing to real life. Recently these concepts have started making sense. I feel the change has most importantly added to my confidence and ability to see clearly through clutter of emotions. The realization that ability for universal love and the like actually add to the enjoyment of life. Acceptance, forgiveness, caring etc . make life easier rather than harder. This realization does not come from education in schools, are not generally inculcated in families and usually not in social life. I have seen glimpses of the benefits of not letting emotions be the master. There is new freedom that comes from having had direct experience.
Are these realizations simply due to maturity that comes with age or is it an effect of meditation or is it an effect of trying out social experiments that I tried? I do not know exactly. I know that the change in thought has been relatively quick after the accident. I also know that some of my friends have independently come to such realizations.
Layers of awareness:
ReplyDeleteThink of animals that have a certain level of intelligence and awareness. eg. dogs, cows. It is plausible that their awareness and thoughts are confined to the patterns they inherited through genes. Their thoughts are mostly instinctive as in eat when hungry. They can also exercise a low level of thinking ahead as in where to go and look for food or water. In humans, we see a higher layer of thinking. This is acquired by life's experiences such as education, socialization. This is where most people operate. Everything attributed to culture and convention lie here. Culture and convention burns in certain best practices into people so they do not have to think and come up originally with the best way of doing things in life. Coming up with practices originally requires more resources and energy relative to following a tried and tested path. People who think beyond this level come up with original ideas that are useful to humanity. The ideas are then absorbed into culture as in - religion, scientific knowledge, art etc.
One pathway to this way of being may be to gain control of your thoughts. That is to stop letting emotions and instincts wholly control and manage your thoughts. Emotions have their place, but some times they do not give the best course of action. Letting reason intervene at this point is highly beneficial. Reason lets you forecast the turn of events due to following different courses of action including the course of action triggered by emotion. So, a person who defers thoughts to reason is no forsaking the benefits of emotional thought. The person can go the emotional way if reason says that it is the best option.
I find the following as a good tactic in training training mind to defer action to reason more often. It just makes sense and I have experienced some benefits. eg. I can control road rage. The training tactic starts with awareness. Be aware of emotional thoughts such as anger, fear, jealousy, annoyance, love, kindness. Every time you feel one of these, make a mental note that there it has happened. And then analyze the thought as in how it would have made sense in primitive life forms. We are still carrying the thinking tools that exist in other life forms. Just being aware gives the rational part of your brain to see the wider picture and in most cases will produce superior thoughts. Just making mental note that a certain thought occurred is easy to do and will provide you benefits. Once this becomes the norm, my expectation is that you will be free to come up with ways to better one's experience of life.
Conventional wisdom:
ReplyDeleteFor most of my life, I did not have a great deal of respect for conventional wisdom passed from person to person through often repeated sayings, conventional patterns of behavior, diktats coming from people in authority etc.. eg. look a person in the eye when you make contact, firm hand shake, say thankyou and excuse me etc.. These never rang as behavior to be adopted simply because I could not see the logical reason behind them. So, they were just rules that people followed in order not be the weird one. They seemed actions that come out of fear, in the interest of conforming to convention. I can see that story not registering with people who do not have respect for fear of being the one who does not follow convention. Such people might only have contempt for them. That is fair enough.
But these days, I can see the logical reason behind many conventions and common pieces of wisdom. The pieces of wisdom were perhaps originated by people who see beyond the ordinary masses. The best way to propagate the ideas was perhaps to incorporate it into the culture of the time. Thanks to Carl Sagan for introducing me to this way of thinking by way of excellent explanations of traditional rituals and examples in his books. In all cases where I have examined universal and time tested behaviors, the fundamental reason seems to be survival either of the individual or the species. Discovery of such reasons draws me to respect the particular piece of wisdom.
Ease of being with people:
ReplyDeleteWith ease comes many other sociability characteristics. Social awkwardness, fear of facing and speaking to a group of people etc.. diminish. With ease comes more confidence and an awareness to do take the right actions.
We take our selves as a reference when attempting to evaluate another person. IS that person smarter, more handsome, more likable etc.. Lot of times, in order to feel good, we value ourselves higher. This gives rise to a tendency to lower our estimation of others. This kind of constant judging is always present either in the foreground or back ground of our minds. We we are constantly judging others for flaws and deficiencies, we unknowingly start to model others in our own reflection. We think others are also constantly judging us the same way as we do to them. This leads us to be alert and defensive about any judgement that may come in at us. This defensiveness takes a lot of sociability and confidence out of us. When talking to a group of people, fear of being judged by them all start to run us. In this situation we diminish our selves. Training one's own mind to be free from constantly judging others will bring us a breakthrough in social confidence, stage fright etc..
Rationality in the face of hard times:
ReplyDeleteSome wonder if not for faith, what is the solace in face of hardship. Rationality is getting as close to reality as possible. With rationality one gives up finding solace in supernatural. Rational person is simply unable to find anything comforting in the supernatural. Just a realization that reality has no promise of rosy ending. We cannot change it by wishing. Learn to be at peace with reality.
What is a thought? My theory
ReplyDeleteThe following is what I have understood from media, literature and introspection. Mechanically, a thought is probably a physical part in the brain driven to a particular state. Perhaps a bunch of neural networks driven to a state. Perhaps there is a network of neurons dispersed all over the brain that senses states of neural networks as worthy of recognition and worthy of being delivered to networks that simulate the subject of initial thought and observe how this thought may play out in the real world. The what-ifs and buts . Perhaps a state of certain neural networks being communicated to other neural works so as to make progress in the cascade of stimulation of neural networks is sensed by part of the brain as "I" as in I am, I am thinking, I am doing etc.. This ability to take data from the environment and from memories and extrapolating them in order to fill the parts that are still hidden is perhaps the essence of thought. The self awareness becomes an easy way to acquire this ability to take in environmental data, add relevant data from memory to complete a picture of world ( imagined or real). I am not able to see any other option besides self awareness. But other traits that do not include self awareness cannot be ruled out.
What is I?
ReplyDeleteA sense of a collection of molecules that they are unified and are separate from the rest of the universe. This is necessary for what? For the processes in the collection of molecules to continue as long as possible. The purpose of I is the survival of the bio-chemical processes present in an individual. I can see the utility of this "I" sense from an evolutionary perspective. There is is no preexisting plan for the synthesis of I. It just came about and happens to be a process equipped and with a desire to carry on uninterrupted. Recognize the fear of death! Without I, organisms would not survive to the extant they have. Can we think of another device that can do a better or even as good a job as the sense of I?
Our connection to any other is merely through memory -we form memories and we replay them in our heads and experience connection. So, to have a connected life with depth, purpose and passion, create memories!
Discrimination:
ReplyDeleteGrowing up, I have been trained to exercise discrimination to a certain extent. These mores settle down upon our way of living because the work - in that it simplifies navigating the world with assumptions so one does not have to positively prove something before it can be taken for a fact. I have seen my grandma and close relatives practice un-touchability, disparaging comments on people of dark skin, people of other cultures etc.. This is the way our senses develop if left to ride on auto pilot when our life's needs are satisfied with people of a certain kind. We do not develop a sense on connection to the others. But this is not a good life skill when it comes to life in this diversified world. We have to shed our tribalistic tendencies learnt while living in an isolated world. Shedding tendencies for discrimination starts with a realization, we are emotionally and intellectually alike. Realize that we have picked up discriminatory tendencies by living in apart from others unlike us, and this does not lead to ease of life in the current world. A way to force learning then will be to put people in situations where they are required to interact with people from other groups.
Every one feels an air of being right in what ever they are. eg. I feel right and superior in that I have come to rely on rational thinking, shedding a lot of conventions, traditions and faith. A religious person would feel similar in their on being. Ultimately we both need to feel safe, happy, healthful and have ease of life. Making friends from a group that engenders discomfort in one will allow him to do a reality check on his assumptions.
May be I should interact with deeply religious people. It will be discomforting, but learning to negotiate that discomfort will rid me of my lack of respect for them.