My Depression

What exactly do I experience?
      It is a worry about losing my job and not being able to support my family expenses in the way we are used to. Not being able to send my daughter to the school of our choice, take annual trips to India, not being able to help my mother and brothers in India in case they need help. The concern comes out of not being able to complete my tasks on time.
     I am also anxious about getting old and not having a social network of family and friends to keep life going happily.
      I also am fearful of dying and not being there to take care of my daughter and support my wife. The thought of life getting very hard for them saddens me.
      These concerns are always present in the back of my mind. Any little thing that would not have been a source of anxiety in earlier times is often a source of worry now. eg. When fixing a lamp, if a screw does not fall into place as easily as I expect, I get a little worried. Matters that never used to bother me have started bothering me. Small success at playing cricket or soccer lightens me momentarily. A recent concert brought a lot of beautiful memories from my twenties. I experienced joy and wakefulness. Gives me a hint - perhaps scheduling things I enjoy more often into daily life might help. What I enjoy - authentic conversations with friends and family, playing cricket and soccer, live music, doing well at work.

Are the sad thoughts rational?
   About the job - if I lose my job now, it may be hard to get a comparable one. But I will be able to find a lower paying one. So, the concern is real but the consequences are probably not as bad as I imagine.
   About getting old - all people do. There are a lot of people that are happy in old age. I can be happy too by building supportive network of friends and acquaintances. Am already doing that by taking the initiative to nourish friends ships. Reading to educate myself on the nature of the mind helps. Meditation is proving to generate insights that lead to wisdom. I have also minimized occurrences of physical risk such as driving safely.
  There are no reasons to worry about not being there for my family. I am in good health, keep fit, and keep a very healthy diet. Though the concern is not very rational, it is never the less present.